February 14, 2011 Leave a comment
Scratch the last post. I gave in almost immediately. You win.
Another teenager struggling to stay alive.
February 13, 2011 Leave a comment
Today, I decided to stop sitting around while our relationship fell apart. While Melissa keeps refusing to ever do anything with me, here is what she keeps saying:
Okay, so now I am taking action.
My reasoning is that love is not a one-way street. I do not deserve to be the only participant in this relationship. If she refuses to participate, then all she wants is someone to say “I love you” to someone who will say it back. So until she decides to participate, it’s tough love.
Good move? Bad move? We’ll see.
February 11, 2011 Leave a comment
Melissa says she will not ask her Dad if we can do anything together anymore because she is afraid of being told “no.” So we were arguing over this, and she says we don’t need bonding time.
Honestly, I feel like I’ve been dumped.
Contemplating suicide… I won’t do it though…
February 8, 2011 Leave a comment
I was right yesterday when I predicted that today would be a better day.
I stayed home from school and took a mental health day, so I am feeling very refreshed. It enabled me to get a full night’s sleep for the first time in a long time. I woke up happy and stayed happy all day.
Things with Melissa are still rough though, because that stupid rule is still in play. I hate it so much. But oh well, I guess I get no choice in the matter.
I also have a massive headache, but I am told that is because my eyes are so poor. My glasses are supposed to arrive any day now. I am going to look like an idiot wearing them.
Anyways, a good day! Finally!
I am talking to Melissa right now. That is good. That is good. But the conversation is kind of… Not there. I feel like exploding in tears… I am not going to.
I ate spaghetti. It was good. I think life is like spaghetti… You get something completely plain–neither good nor bad. Then you add your own ingredients to make it your own, so it will be good for you. Unless the waiter drops it before it gets to the table. Then it can suck.
That is all.
Today was one of my worst days. I was in a bad mood from the start. I was not grumpy or anything like that, but I felt very, very “down.” I was just sad and unhappy.
I love Melissa. She wanted to make me happy. She wanted to know what was wrong and fix it. I would not tell her… I did not want her to know why I am so down and unhappy and what I was thinking.
The reason I was so down is because of this damn texting rule we are arguing about. It is hurting me. And of course, she kept asking what I did all weekend… I could not say, “I created a blog that I am hiding from you and the rest of my family and friends where I am going to write about my struggles with depression. My new name is Erasmas, and yours is Melissa.”
All in all, an awful day. I smiled once or twice because she forced me to, but that was it. Maybe tomorrow will be better.